.. and stab! Anyway, recovering from a broken heart is a treacherous journey indeed. I’ve been testing a few techniques to calm myself down, and one of it includes meditation. I knew meditation for someone of my caliber would be inefficient as my spiritual self attachment isn’t any greater than your average joe’s. Of course the easy way out is to immerse yourself with friends until your mind forgets about it, but that won’t do me any good.

Putting aside all those, I would like you guys to listen to this song, Present by Okuda Tamio. It just touched me when I first listened to it. I’m spinning on infinite loop these days.

I’m too lazy to do anything at the moment. Will probably update with stuffs later. Just to let you guys know what anime and manga I’m following right now:

Anime - Saki, Umineko, KaraNoKyoukai, SengokuBasara

Manga - Yotsuba, Tsugumomo, CynthiaTheMission, MiraiNikki

Ps: I fucking hate it when people tell me what a man should or shouldn’t do. Gender equality? Fuck no, it applies only to the female gender. GREAT CONCEPT

They come once a year, while others once every leap year. They celebrate neither the moment when the first spark of synapse occurred nor the first heartbeat of the fetus, but the moment which they’re delivered and timed by the doctors.

Happy depressing birthday to me (soon).

By the way, I’m currently following tsugumomo manga. Cool shit. Previewing it soon.

It’s just a matter which had crossed my mind a minute ago. I was thinking about how little my attachment to anime, manga and gaming has become over these years. I could still remember back then I was an avid visitor of iichan and its /dqn/ board. I’ve even followed the raid of a certain white-extremist American internet radio personality, the early days of cracky-chan, the day when first rendition of niconico medley was posted up, and all that.

Nowadays I don’t seem to follow all that anymore. I don’t visit gensokyo.org, I don’t really practice all my touhou games on a daily basis like I used to, I don’t follow 4-6 animes at a time anymore. I don’t go all out on downloading every single mmorpg out there and test each of them.

It’s all those thoughts which I got myself thinking ‘am I mentally aging rapidly?’

Let’s put in abit of data (note that it may not be entirely accurate):

Kevyn @ 2005
Anime downloads per day: 1-12 episodes
Anime series followed simultaneously: 1-6
Touhou activity: Daily

Kevyn @ 2009
Anime downloads per day: 0-4 episodes
Anime series followed simultaneously: 0-3
Touhou activity: Weekly/Fortnightly

Even based on 3 different data alone you’ll see that I’ve greatly slowed down in these areas within 4 years time, almost to a grinding halt if you may call it. My interest in anime I just about as strong as when I started following my first series, but I just don’t know why something’s stopping me from watching them. Perhaps its my assignment load. I’ve just realised that my anime watching frequency dropped a lot when I started working as a trainee.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not going to forcefully bring myself with follow a bunch of animes. Perhaps my interests have shifted to manga instead. I find my manga reading had increase gradually during that period of 4 years as well.

Perhaps it’s the raw, unfiltered story-telling and visual value which the manga-ka presents itself towards their readers without going through the frequently watered down anime productions of today. I find myself wanting to read only the original story-line.

I just hope my mental aging won’t continue to be that bad or else one day you’ll find me getting all amused by looking the cracks of a wall.

I’m really tired so this entry is probably going to have retarded amounts of grammatical errors. Sorry for that.

I will recommend a few mangas in the next upcoming posts. Stay tuned and good night.

Somehow I’m totally in a state of disarray as of late. My head is totally blank right now as I’m typing this out. I heard that once you get too depressed it’ll be hard to recover. That’s when anti-depressants comes in to aid recovery. I wonder whether I’m in that threshold already.

I hate myself for being this weak.